I have four children, the first male 21 years, both women were 15 years old, the third and the fourth female, 10 and six years. I would like to ask my eldest child's self-development.
My first child, already entered the seventh semester at the Faculty of civil engineering, tends to be a lot at home. Judging his intercourse he seemed less socializing with friends sebayanya. In fact he was smart, since SD until HIGH SCHOOL he was always the champion class. Faculty of civil engineering, but his place now does not desire, because its founders came forward a civil one. We as parents are tough minded looking for jobs, so if traces of his father, will continue to be easier later.
He lived through it like a carefree but tend to be silent. He never reveals any problem on us unless I ask. From the results of our chat, I was surprised because he fears. Fear cannot appease her parents. He is also afraid of facing the outside world, hence she is more busy in the room sank themselves by playing games.
At her age now he also has never been courting. Despite the fact that many women calling or Forget it. He said it did not want to because of the desire going out have had lovers because of the fear of time-consuming and troublesome for him is having to deal with a partner.
We had to how to deal with the firstborn? Because honestly we felt afraid of her future.(Roseninit, 34)
Ya Roseninit dear friend,
Face of a child who is covered and is terrified to face "anything" requires the understanding and trust of Ya as his mother. Is the sense here is not to impose the will of Ya as parents, but rather trying to listen to expressions of his heart. If You find it difficult to know what is happening, then the simplest way is to invite him to talk from the heart to the heart, while indicating that He is always there to show him either in love or grief.
To build confidence to Ya, Ya should do what it has to say Ya while talking from the heart to heart with her. To build confidence to ya. This is very important because he needed a sense of security and comfort.
Actually, this is my beloved son Ya feel very alone. On the other hand he felt fears could not appease Ya all at once to face the outside world. This is where Ya much-needed mother figure. So did his father.
So, what Ya need to do? The following three-step Ya need to do:
First, talk to Ya husband beloved. Tell me Ya as well as invite your son's condition to take the best move for the sake of your beloved son. Must need to underline here is that each step will take You and your husband, not to be cornered him let alone threatened to herself. But more in the form of mentoring him while proving that he was never alone. His father and mother were always ready to accompany her either in love or grief.
Ask your husband to take him see Ya job his father closely. But if that is not possible because of its location outside the city, then his father could take him to see other civil engineering projects, from planning to construction. The bottom line, he knows the world bring in civil engineering from close to open up ways that insight as well as wider and wise.
Second, talk threes from heart to heart: Ya, beloved husband and son. Tell him that You and your husband love her very much. Also tell her that You and your husband feel unhappy when I saw her fear. And You and your husband would feel happy when see her happy.
Ask him, what really makes him afraid of the outside world? Is she afraid of the Association? If he had problems with his studies? Or because he is afraid to feel alone has no friends? Tell her that her fears, she is whatever can deal with it. Tell him, how his childhood used to be so brave to face something, for example the naughty friends facing the game, and so on.
Add that this is the real world that everyone does have to face it, including himself. That play games continuously isn't very good for him. This will be increasingly distancing himself with others, including friends of sekampusnya.
Third, told him that he need not fear cannot appease You and his dad, because you believe he really can do it. How, become responsible, to accept the reality and deal with it without know despair. By learning and working on a task that is supposed to be. Bravely facing a sense of fear by taking real action, and not avoid it by playing games no karuan.
Tell him that you and his dad very happy when saw it become a child who does not know is desperate and trying mightily reach for dreams.
Peluklah it. If Ya feel over this rarely or never even hugged him, then peluklah it with great affection. Because with Your hugs and genuine loving father will give him a sense of safe, warm, and serene setting.
In principle, take your time to diligently take him speak from heart to heart. Your figure and his father so he needed. And it indeed takes time. I believe you can. Bismillah, Yes. I help you prayer.
Ainy Fauziyah, CPC
Leadership Coach & Motivator
Author Of The Best Seller Book "Fierce Willpower"